Group Pee

Kristin and I went into the city Friday night to do some shopping and see a play. After picking up our tickets at will call, we walked around the block to a bar & grill to get a quick bite to eat. And things were going well. The place actually had my favorite beer, Moose Drool, on tap so I was pretty happy with our selection. Not to mention the food was pretty good too.

And then I got up to visit the restroom. The door was locked. While I'm standing outside the bathroom a guy comes up, probably late 30's and dressed well. A guy's guy, no doubt. He asks me why the bathroom is locked. I tell him somebody is probably in there. And so begins the weirdest conversation I've ever had with a complete stranger. Here it is, as close to verbatim as I can remember it.

Him: Why would he lock the door. I never lock the door. There's no reason to. This way someone else can come in and take a pee while I'm washing my hands, no sense in making people wait.

Me: Yeah, you got a point there.

Him: Unless he's taking a dump.

Me: Well, yeah, nobody wants to share a cramped space when that's going on.

Him: But still, if he's not taking a dump, there's no reason all three of us can't be pissing at the same time. There's plenty of room around the bowl.

Me: (starting to have fun with him) Heck, a fourth guy could just piss in the sink, too. I mean, really, just run the faucet, right?

Him: Yeah, this is bullshit that we have to stand out here and wait for him to finish. Unless he's taking a dump, of course.

Me: (now completely just egging him on) Why not just go at the same time with a woman too. I mean, we can all aim well enough, right? They ought to leave the door unlocked too. This waiting around sucks.

Him: You're totally right. Well, she would have to aim pretty good too and be kind of flexible to give us enough room to really avoid a mess, but you're totally right. Why not go with a woman?

And just as he was done saying that the woman's bathroom door opened and a lady came out and went back to her seat. My quirky companion in line for the men's room quickly jumped at the chance to use the woman's room. Seconds later, a man exited the men's room and I was finally able to go. And so I did, right after locking the door.