The #1 Reason to Buy GTA IV

To stick a giant middle finger up in the air at professional ambulance-chaser, anti-gaming, accidental comedian Jack Thompson whose latest rant about Grand Theft Auto IV -- which he wrote in a letter to the mother of Take-Two's CEO -- proves that any strides he was making towards sane, rational thought were short-lived.

...I would encourage you either to play this game or have an adroit video gamer play it for you. Some of the latter gamers are on death row, so try to find one out in the civilian population who hasn’t killed someone yet.

Yes, please do indeed try to find someone in the civilian population who hasn't killed yet. I suggest starting with any of the tens of millions of players who have bought, rented, or borrowed any of the GTA games in the past 7 years.

Experts note that the recent plethora of cop killings is caused in part by your darling son’s entrepreneurial energy. There are three policemen dead in Alabama because of Grand Theft Auto. I was on 60 Minutes about it. I hope Strauss has provided you with a flat screen tv to see the grief of the bereaved families that fills the screen.

Since Jack has routinely cast himself in the role of "expert" and goes on to espouse such nonsensical claims as "three policemen dead in Alabama because of Grand Theft Auto", I do believe his judgment regarding who is truly an expert and who isn't leaves a lot to be desired.

Jack has been pretty quiet after his last television appearances and I almost forgot about him. He showed up in the wake of the Virginia Tech shootings to scream in front of every camera (Fox News was unsurprisingly sympathetic to his rants) he could find that videogames were the cause of the mass murder. The shooter's personal belongings contained no evidence that he had ever played games, nor did his roommates ever hear him mentioning games. Yet Jack's expert opinion was certain the roommates were lying and that the shooter was "obviously" a gamer.

Right.

Happy Mother’s day, Mrs. Zelnick, which this year is May 11, two weeks after your son unleashes porn and violence upon other mothers’ boys. I’m sure you're very proud.

Way to stay classy, Jack. Speaking of being proud for their sons, how's your mom doing these days? Does she know you're on the verge of being disbarred? I wouldn't worry about losing your lawyer gig, though, as it looks like you have a very profitable future in front of you in the growing field of windmill fighting.

Now if you excuse me, I have to head to Best Buy and pick up my very own murder simulator. I know doing so might result in me on death row, but it's the price I have to pay for being an adroit gamer, you know.

Read crazy Jack's full letter to Mrs. Zelnick (especially the parts where he compares her son to the Hitler Youth) right here on wired.com.