37% In Terms We Understand

A CBS News poll conducted on October 3rd revealed that President Bush's current approval rating is at an all-time low of 37%. Please hold your applause till later. Considering that securing 51% of the vote in last year's election was spun into being deemed a "mandate", I can only imagine what adjectives the Republicans would come up with, should for example, Bill Clinton's approval rating have been this low. It's not hard to picture Rush Limbaugh, Anne Coulter, and other members of the conservative media taking to the airwaves and spilling every vile word they (i.e. Karl Rove) could invent.

Unfortunately, there are few people in the media who either have the desire or cajones to stand up and question Bush, let alone criticise him. Since so many seem to be at a complete loss of words in this regard, I thought I'd turn to professional critics to see what words they use when something is only 37% good. Newsmen take note.

The following excerpts are from professional movie reviews and are representative of things with 63% suckiness. I've taken the liberty of adding the words in brackets to further demonstrate how these critiques can be applied.

"Packed with enough crates of red herring to feed a starving city...one of the lamest [Presidents] to come along in a while" -- Les Wright's review of "Flightplan", 36% at Rottentomatoes.com

"It might not seem quite so awful, even reprehensible, if [he] didn't waste a pretty good [amount of good will], or if [he] didn't trot out that ultimate poor-taste cliche, [threat of WMDs]." -- Jeff Vice's review of "Flightplan", 36% at Rottentomatoes.com

"[The Bush Presidency] is essentially a story about how appearances aren't everything, but unfortunately, there's little to perceive beneath the surface." - Kevin Courrier's revie of "Shopgirl", 38% at Rottentomatoes.com

"Pretty much a disaster on all counts." - Shlomo Schwartzberg's review of "Elizabethtown", 43% at Rottentomatoes.com

"This isn't a [Presidency]. It's a miscarriage of [democracy]." -- Stephen Witty's review of "The Exorcism of Emily Rose, 43% at Rottentomatoes.com

"You'd never know it by the ads, but this is faith-based [dictating] and one of the most manipulative [men] ever put [in the Oval Office]." Alex Sandell's review of "The Exorcism of Emily Rose, 43% at Rottentomatoes.com

"Even the brain-dead [Richard Nixon] tried harder than this." - Jeffrey Anderson's review of "Sahara", 38% at Rottentomatoes.com

"If [President Bush] weren't quite so dumb, [he] might have been a lot of fun." - Rob Blackwelder's review of "Sahara", 38% at Rottentomatoes.com

"How many leaps of logic do you allow a [President] before that thin strand of [hope] snaps?" - Robert Elder's review of "Sahara", 38% at Rottentomatoes.com

"No one [in the Bush Administration] seems to know what they're doing, or worse, much care." - Josh Bell's review of Sahara, 38% at Rottentomatoes.com

"Yawn. Is the [war mongering] over yet? Wake me when it's time to [vote]." - Boo Allen's review of "Kingdom of Heaven", 39% at Rottentomatoes.com

"[Bush] once again proves himself an inept director of action." - Robert Butler's review of "Kingdom of Heaven", 39% at Rottentomatoes.com

and last but certainly not least...

"[President Bush] does what any self-respecting politician would do: sidestep the issues, soft-pedal mortal costs, talk a fat game, and divert your attention away from history with exercises in spectacle and power." - Michael Atkinson's review of "Kingdom of Heaven", 39% at Rottentomatoes.com

So there you have it, mythical liberal media. Take notes and use them. There will be a test.

1 comment:

Criscipline said...

"Very creative. Very funny. I give two thumbs way up."
- Jessica Walsh