Drier Sheet Saboteurs

Kristin walked up to me while I was in the kitchen last night. She had a smirk across her face and moved close to hug me. But instead of a hug, she shoved a used drier sheet up under my shirt and started rubbing it across my chest.

"Now you smell nice," she said. She was laughing. She thought she was so clever.

I took the sheet and pretended to throw it out, but hid it in my back pocket waiting for her to be distracted. Once she was sufficiently preoccupied, I put the drier sheet in the hood of her sweatshirt, but she saw me at the last second so I had to take a different tact.

So I retreated to the office and hurriedly put it in the open binder on her desk, about two or three pages past the one she was open to. Not exactly an in your face prank, but she was seconds from entering the room.

An hour later (she reads slowly) she found the drier sheet, gave a quick chuckle, and disappeared into the bedroom. I didn't think she would continue to elevate the drier sheet situation any further, but was pretty sure she wouldn't throw it out just yet. When she came back into the office smiling, I knew she had hidden it somewhere.

"You put it under my pillow? Is that it? That's fine, my pillow will just smell cleaner."

We didn't go to bed until midnight or so and by then I had forgotten about the hidden drier sheet. Turns out she tied it in a bow to my bottle of mouthwash. Not only a clever hiding spot, but it gave the bottle a rather unpleasant taste. Sure, Bounce smells nice and clean, but that doesn't mean you want to lick fabric softener. She was winning. This couldn't be.

I carefully snuck the drier sheet over to the bed while she wasn't looking and stuffed it under my pillow for the right moment. Kristin, like clockwork, smeared a gob of vaseline across her lips (she has an unnatural fear of chapped lips) and settled in to sleep. I layed awake reading The Dark Tower VII (only another 200 pages to go!) until she was mere seconds from falling asleep. Then I quickly folded the drier sheet lengthwise twice and slapped it against all of that vaseline -- What a nice mustache you have sweety!

She snapped awake before I could take a photo which was unfortunate, but seeing her make the precious yuck face at that taste of fabric softener was worth it.

Although now it's almost time for bed and I know that drier sheet is somewhere. Waiting. Hiding. Making something taste a bit worse than it should...

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